For reference, M is my exgirlfriend and L is my present girlfriend. I'm away from home for the summer, hence the emotional turmoil.
While I was away, L had drifted farther and farther away from me emotionally. M moved in with her, and lived on the bunk above her. My former roommate lived in a bed next to theirs, and I didn't know him at all anymore. M got into keeping aquarium fish as L got over fish-keeping. The two of them became friends. M's boyfriend moved in with her and shared her bunk, but the bed was only a couple of feet above L so when both M and her boyfriend were in bed together, there was hardly room for L, let alone me. I wanted to be upset about that, but I had no power. M would dismiss me with that knowingness that indicated she was bored of me. Meanwhile, L would listen to her. M had gotten into jewelry. She was protesting some famous jewlery designer who she thought was a hack. She'd bought a few of his pieces for one eighth of the retail price, because she'd bargained him down, and she thought that was proof that he was a hack subsisting on hype. She'd berated somebody for buying his jewlery. I said, "It's a free country, shouldn't people be allowed to buy whatever they want?" M said no. I argued with her about it for awhile. Really, she was the only person who was willing to talk to me, but she wanted to talk just to show her disdain for me and for that phase of her life. L had some new life plan that did not include me, and I couldnt convince her to run away with me. I realized that L was just as flawed as M had been and our relationship had been just as doomed. M's hostility proved how flawed that really was and would be.
I woke up feeling like the world was coming down around my ears.
After a few minutes, I calmed down, but I won't forget how doomed I felt.
