A Tenuous Compromise

I'm dredging the vaults and this turned up. It's something I wrote about a year and a half ago. It was one of those moments where after nursing a horrifically bad mood for a while, I got up and the words just kind of flowed.

sometimes i feel i am falling through life
i am falling through life with the ease of a doll.

a moment of bright
tarnished by imperfection
but still beautiful.
then goodbyes
then spiral sucking swirl into blackness, screaming
blackness colored with shades of brown and flecks of white
but blackness all the same, so heavy i cant cry
blackness so heavy my head can't fit in my shoulders,
my shoulders cant fit into my knees, my knees cant fit in my shoes.
swirls of evil thoughts, pernicious, impossible thoughts
they shouldnt be allowed to exist,
much less have this free reign over me

there is a dim light on the horizon,
if it werent, my head would fit in the floor,
in negative space
the dim light keeps me here in the inky wind,
keeps me suffering,
keeps that tenuous compromise afloat, under strain.
but assuring that winds wont rip me to shreds
does nothing to assuage that they feel as bad as if they were about to
i turn to the only friend left to me,
and believe me that never have you seen him so tainted, thin and cold as he is now before me,
a cruel joke of what he once was,
but i curl up and close my eyes and try to think of nothing
as i'm buffeted by blackness,
and eventually nothing comes.

Puke Time

I've been writing quite a bit of poetry. To use the word of my friend H, I have been on a poetry writing "tear". I've decided it's time to share, even if it's nowhere near time to call any of the following poems finished or even, in most cases, "roughly complete".

I said from the start, this blog would be subject to lower quality standards than anything else I do. Part of that includes an inconsistent post rate, but it's been awhile and I'm feeling impulsive. Also, I'm becoming less apologetic about my poetry's quality or lack thereof. These were all written within the last few months and I've only revisited about half of them since puking them out.

Theoretically these will be improved upon and I will write music for them and then I'll record them and when the demo gets picked up by a label I'll be forced to start a band and become a rock star. Ha.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy.


This one is the only one hammered into verse-chorus, so far. Gold star if you correctly guess the subject (and haven't talked with me about it already).

(intro)
moving slowly, so slowly
dipping my toe
lapping at my heels
love how the breeze feels

sweet dawn
take me to the ocean

(chorus)
you go down, i get high
i'm so glad, you are mine
sweet dawn
take me to the ocean

(verse 1)
licking under my chin
licking at my ears
i'm out to far, i'm out to deep
horizon looms like death

(chorus)

caught on the inside
going for a spin
in the washing machine
but it feels alright

(chorus)

waves throwing me around
thrashed by sea
in the most loving way
and it feels alright

(chorus)

(closout)
i am adored
i am adored

Now for a couple of short ones.

face draws early lines
questions like razors
harsh laugh at odd times
he's mr. sharp


she stings like honey
she burns like electricity
there are a lot of flowers in this world
she is a honey bee

Now for a wistful one. By the way, don't read anything into the lack of capitalization. That's just my laziness.

had a dream that i'd found my place
eucalyptus in my nose and salt in my mouth
but i cant go back to the sunkissed days

did i ever tell you
you're so beautiful it makes me ache

i don't ever want to be alone
please hold me to your breast

i don't ever want to be alone
tears trickle down your chest

I'm no good at secrets
and I'm sick of playing tough
I'm so bored of the knowing wink
I'll hide everywhere that's pink
I'll go everywhere that's pink.

Now for one about new love.

it's a beautiful morning
even if the sky's still dark
walking home from her house
yeah, walking home from her house

seems a time since i have felt like this
kisses drying on my face
gliding home on clouds
the future seems so clear

the universe impelling me along my misted way
the universe is pulling me along my blissed out day
the universe is sucking me along the path of grace
and i hold within myself the beauty of the world

Now one for February.

fluffy cloud sunshine sky
damp sidewalk

yesterday i saw a mushroom standing
like he'd always owned the world

jewels hang from trees
with gilded leaves

wind smells earth and flowers
everything is green and yellow

Now one about longing.

there's dirt beneath my fingernails
there's dust coating my teeth

and i want to go home
and i know it will be soon
and i can't wait to be home

the girl who sleeps in my bed
in my home so far away
my girl keeps my bed warm while i'm away

and she is my ocean
and she's my shining sea

And lest this get too sweet.

squishing roaches underneath my feet
popping bubble wrap
ripping tendons with my teeth
i don' wanna be a veg-e-tar-i-an
i get satisfaction
it's not the best but
if you're not doing anything otherwise
its really kind of nice

And in case somebody still thought that was strangely precious.

don't call my name
don't call my name
don't touch my face
you're not welcomed
you're uninvited
you stupid bitch
you nasty witch
don't call my name

And now a celebration of blind rage!

You thought I'd take this sitting down
but i'm gonna stomp your face
and i won't be satisfied
till i've ground you to a paste

i liked you because you
held my friend's affection
but i was never blind

you liked me because
i held your friend's affection
but after you screwed her

you thought you'd do me for good measure
you don't know who you messed with
you barked up the bitter-bark tree
you cornered a mean old cat

and i won't be satisfied
till i've ground you to a paste